What I Know At 30 That I Wish I Understood At 20
Well, by the time this post goes live, I will officially be 30 years old! Time for us to update the “two twenty-somethings” that we have as part of all of our Hello HENRYs bios. As someone who was known to have an emotional breakdown on every birthday in my early twenties (insane, yes), I couldn’t be happier and more secure about turning 30! To help celebrate, I thought I’d put together a post - a reflection if you will - of the biggest takeaways that I’ve had over the last decade and the lessons I’m most thankful to have learned. These findings may not align with you and your life, but they’ve become fundamental to mine.
motivation gets you started, discipline keeps you going.
While there are many…many….things about me that have room for improvement, one thing that I can confidently say is that I am a highly disciplined person and I am very proud of this trait. I have applied discipline to every area of my life that is a priority for me and believe it is the key to any success that I have had or will have in the future.
One of the best or most easily understood examples of this is around health and fitness. For the past 4 years, I have committed, without fail, to 5 days a week in the gym, truly giving it my all every time. I’ve been gluten and dairy free for almost 8 years, no exceptions for cheese in France or pizza in NYC. I am diligent about getting 8 hours of sleep every night and drinking plenty of water every day. Committing to taking care of myself has allowed me to show up for others in my life and given me the energy and focus to succeed in other areas of life.
I would not be sharing this today if I had relied on motivation alone. Motivation got me started, but it was the discipline to schedule and prioritize these things, continue to follow through every day even when I didn’t want to, that got me there. There will be days for everyone when you just don’t feel like it. On those days, discipline kicks in and that’s the difference maker. Apply this to any goal or priority that you have.
consistency is more important than hard work.
In a similar vein, consistently working towards your goals is, often, more important than working hard in isolation. I’ve seen this so frequently in corporate settings. Coworkers have given all that they have to one project and, shortly after, were so burnt out that they contributed very little to anything for the next few months - no insight in meetings, negative attitudes, lack of initiative. When I look back at the entire year, they ultimately didn’t contribute as much by working in this manner and the impression that is lasting in my mind is the negative, unmotivated attitude, not the one or two projects that they did deliver on.
I came across a quote that said “It’s not about how hard you swing your bat. It’s about swinging over and over again until you learn to hit it out of the park.” I couldn’t agree more. Consistency can get you further than hard work if the hard work isn’t consistent.
experience internally, but don’t express externally.
Developing control over your emotions gives you power, but, also, makes you more pleasurable to be around. In times of stress, turmoil or frustration, absorb and process internally, but be very intentional about what you express (or project) externally. Nobody likes a Debbie Downer or the co-worker that jumps right into stress-mode at the first sight of any challenge. This energy cascades to everyone in the group and can quickly sink a ship. I take control over my emotions and the energy that I choose to put out into the universe.
Of course, when you are struggling, it’s important to share or ask for help. I intentionally do that with a small circle of people - my family and a few close friends.
quality over quantity - when it comes to relationships.
Speaking of family and friends, I wholeheartedly believe being popular is overrated. The people that you spend your time with is one of the most influential factors in the direction of your life. I have always been incredibly choosy about who I give my time to and who I invite into my circle. While I am a naturally outgoing person and pretty much talk all day for work, I would say I have 5 or 6 close friends and don’t have much of a desire for more. Having 5 friends that would do anything for you is so much better than 30 friends that you can’t reliably count on.
know when to walk away from anything that isn’t serving you.
Along the same lines, knowing when to move on from a friendship - or anything in life - is so important. Of these 5 or 6 close friends, I accept that not all of them may be at that level for a lifetime, nor will I be for them. Hopefully 1 or 2 of them will be, but I don’t let myself be held back by the pressure that every relationship needs to be forever. And this brings me a lot of peace and clarity.
The same goes for anything in your life. I mean, I left the job that I moved to New York for after being there for just 5 months. I am now in a role beyond what I could have dreamed of and leaving when I knew something wasn’t right opened up the door to something SO much better. I’m so glad that I didn’t waste any time being held back by what I “should” do. It taught me that nothing in life needs to be permanent.
choose your life partner wisely.
First, I don’t believe anyone needs a partner. In fact, I had fully planned on and been excited about being the fun, jet-setting aunt until Zach stumbled into my life.
That being said, if you do choose to be in a relationship and have a life partner, this is one of, if not the most important, life decisions you will ever make. As they say, go alone and you’ll go fast, go together and you’ll go far. With the wrong life partner, you might go nowhere.
Finding someone who aligns with you on the most important values, is strong in the areas you’re not, supports you in your goals and communicates effectively is so important. I firmly believe that Zach and I’s partnership has allowed me to achieve exponentially more than I would have on my own by this point in my life.
don’t take yourself out of the running.
In life, there will always be things that don’t pan out. An offer on a house that is declined. A job interview that ends without an offer. A request for a second date that ends in rejection. Rejection is inevitable, but never be the one to take yourself out of the running. Let other people say no or reject you if that’s what happens, but put yourself up for any opportunity that interests you or that you believe in.
say no to protect your yes.
Any fellow Peloton stans out there? I took this one away a few years ago from Robin Arzon and have been consciously applying it to my life ever since. I’m not going to lie, at first, it was really hard and I failed more than a few times. Evolving from a perpetual “Yes” person has become my biggest priority for growth over the latter part of my twenties. I became really clear on what my priorities are. Before I say yes to anything, I think about how it might impact these priorities. If saying yes will cause me to sacrifice something that’s more important, I feel empowered to say no. At the end of the day, the only person you really need to worry about disappointing is yourself.
how you see your life is exactly what your reality will be.
I was asked in an Amazon job interview a few years back “On a scale of 1-10, how lucky would you say you are?” I imagine most people probably answer somewhere on the lower-mid end of the scale and say something about working hard for what they have, etc to highlight the drive and ambition that they would bring to a team. I did not. I answered “10” because I truly believe it. Yes, I work hard and set myself up to be able to take advantage of opportunities, but at the end of the day, I know I’ve been blessed by being in the right place at the right time among many other things. Seeing my life in this light allows me to manifest more good things to come my way. It takes work to train your mind to think this way, but as they say, you’re as happy as you make up your mind to be.
The last two lessons I’ll keep a little more light-hearted and fun… :)
fashion in general...
As someone who buys clothes for a living, I’ve pretty much seen and studied it all and have a few big takeaways.
1 - Take the time to understand what highlights you and your body and be okay with knowing that not every trend will work for you. For example, spaghetti strap tops and dresses do absolutely nothing for me. Neither do tops that hit directly at my waist line, jackets that are cropped or anything in the yellow/orange family.
2- Try to ignore the label when trying on clothes. An item of clothing that fits well will accentuate your traits and give you so much confidence. Wearing something that doesn’t fit just because of the number will do the opposite. Cut the tags off if you need to or know that literally nobody will look. Again, as someone in the industry, I can assure you that there are vast differences in sizing even within the same brand. It’s okay and normal that everything you have will not be the same size.
3 - Develop a signature style. This will make building and maintaining a wardrobe exponentially easier. I would describe my personal style as classic and feminine grounded in elevated basics and neutrals. I generally don’t bring anything into my closet that doesn’t align with this direction. As a result, I’m not sick of much in my closet and am confident that anything new I bring into it will fit with what I have.
always have a bottle of champagne on hand.
For us, this is simply true because champagne is our drink of choice on any occasion, but truly, life is meant to be celebrated and you never know when you might get that dream job offer, your bestie gets engaged or you pay off your student loans.
Another drinking related note/lesson from the last decade: Tequila shots and espresso martinis - One is good, two is too many.
It was truly so fun to look back at the past decade and realize how much growth as happened in that time. I don’t think 20 year-old me would recognize myself, but would be excited with where I’ve ended up! I couldn’t be looking forward more to this next decade to come and for all of the continued growth that it will bring. Now time for some margaritas with K and my friends to celebrate…for now, those are still okay to have two of! :)
